Monday, July 10, 2006
 | ::It's all about the Positive::A Slight Novel:: I first, want to state that I am fully aware that it's 3am and I am awake;alert; and thinking as if it was 10am after a delicious Iced grande 1/2soy,1/2 non-fat, one splenda Latte with cinnamon sprinkles. (<- yes. that really is what I drink! {What do you expect? when you work there.. you experiment}). I spent the other night, with my friend W.W. in Hollywood. We went to Hollywood Cafe and saw a Great show. After the show we walked around and talked about just the chaos of life in general, most of which is caused by choices we make and @ what point we realize it's okay or not okay and move on. I can't really elaborate on this too much cause it's a LONG TOPIC and this blog would probably turn out to be a Novel. But, in a NutShell, It's just about finally figuring out and being okay with yourself, having faith in GOD and finding some type of "contentness"(<-- is it even a word!? probably not. I'm really good at making-up my own words. ;-P) with simply being YOU. So-- here I am. I have been handed this INSANE career path for my life. When I thought about listening and taking this path in elem, middle school and highschool I would talk about it all the time, to friends and family. But I would speak of it with such uncertainty and listen to the people that expressed their negativity so much that I wouldn't listen to the positive and go with my gut. I am pretty sure that's why instead of heading right into film school after graduation, I went into pre-reqs for nursing. When that all became boring to me, I took "time off" and explored opportunities. Then, why the heck did I apply to the School for Film and TV in NYC?! Cause I'm crazy and wanted a rejection letter to tell me that I shouldn't actually follow this path, I should take my easier route. I heard that the program I applied for only accepted around 200 students a year and I still did it. The Price was horrendous, and my chances were slim to none. But I got a wild hair and paid the $50.00 application fee and sent in all my Shummina. Six weeks went by, and I received not only a letter, but a phone call on May 7th,2003 from an advisor at the School for Film and Television Congratulating me that I was accepted into not only the program I applied for, but another one as well. My reaction... Honestly... Oh NO!! I'm going to be broke for the rest of my life, cause I HAVE TO GO! So off to NY I went. It was the BEST time of my life. And now, almost 4 years later I am not in NYC, but In L.A. still trying to discover what I'm going to do with it. I just feel like even though I was happy being in my "element" and meeting new people; being out of highschool and in college. I still can say that I was scared crapless about making the right decision about what my life was going to be. I was still uncertain about what I was choosing and listening to my critics. The classic question of the last year and a half has been "when do I know when it's time to give-up? When do I just agree with the people that think I'm crazy!?" I would not just sit back and enjoy the ride, I would wonder when It was all going to be over, and how I would then know that it was. Thankfully, after alot of soul searching, it's now pretty clear, and I think I've bascially figured it out.. for me. I am the only person that really has to fully believe in me and find patience with the uncertainty and chaos of the life I have been handed. Why did I care and worry so much about what others were saying!? If I portray that I am content and believe in myself, I have recently found that others just join in and praise my courage. I would only be lying if I told you that hearing others tell me how "they're in awe that I just got up and did it" didn't push me to keep going. Because let's face it, It's all about the Positive. As clear as I, (& possibly only I) think that sounds... It so far, only pertains to the "career" aspect of my life. The hardest part now, after finding faith & content in this journey so far; is taking one day at a time. What I need to do now is just be patient, and take One step at a time. I'll continue this journey, which will hopefully lead me to finding happiness & understanding in the next. Life is about figuring Life out. It's a never ending cycle. After one thing is discovered another appears and the journey starts all over again handing you a different path. Finally feeling alittle sleepy, -KT- |
hopeful 
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