Sunday, January 21, 2007

Sunday, January 21, 2007 CrAzY thOuGhTs!!!! -- that come from my random head. Current mood: contemplative My response to a quote/letter someone sent in December..... The quote: "Never say Never. Never Say Forever." I think I like that quote.I guess that I would, considering I am probably the biggest commitment phob out there. But I am willing and, okay.. sometimes eager, to change that phobia. I often think that people (more so in the present) use "I love you" So generously. Everywhere you go, "I love you!" From random people.. and hugs. HUGS everywhere!! Everyone wants to HUG!! I am a caring/warm person, but come on. . . I don't want to hug everyone I see, especially if I just saw you yesterday and knew that I was going to see you today as well. I guess that's what you're quote made me think of. Commitment and "love" and that horribly scarey word "forever". But then I sit and rack my brain after a long day at work and think, As I've said before, "Who doesn't want to look ahead to the future!? Who doesn't want some type of comfort.I am guilty of it. Why do we do that!? I can admit that I fear growing old without having taken every possible journey I could've. So then why do we (I) so often, rush the present!? " It's just life. Some people are scared to be alone,so they rush into being in the comfort of one certain person; or multiple people. Sometimes one person right after another. We'll call it "settling"; and others just keep looking around thinking that there is always something/someone better out there. So which one is the right one? I think that always settling and never having time to experience parts of life Alone is complete nonsense and makes people look like cowards. But on the flip side, are we "commitment phobs" cowards for not being able to let someone in on experiences? Eventually everyone has to "settle" though Right!? Or else we're stuck in the world of contemplation until we're old and grey with 44 cats while listening to our nieces and nephews ask, "why did you never get married!? or have kids?", while they're stocking our refridgerater because they think we're too depressed & lonely to do it ourselves! It doesn't matter that we may have won an oscar, or pulizer prize. Or that we may have saved 3 or more people in our life time. No matter how much we may be fullfilled in other aspects of our lives, Something is always missing. Maybe that something is what we have once had, and were scared with the comfort it gave us. Not realizing it's actually what we want. So we just run away.. once again thinking that we'll find it again some other time, Even if it's temporary; because we think, "I will not settle. I will not settle and then Fail" Well.. here's another quote for you to think about.... "If we don't try, we can't fail" Is it a good quote or is it bad quote!? Totally and completely rhetorical -- which brings us back to square one. Life. One vicious cycle. Once one conflict is figured out; or journey taken; another one is eventually thrown our way. Maybe it's easier to understand after the settling!?!? Maybe it's more difficult. Who knows. You're either one person or the other. Life is about life.. and how each person lives it. We only get one shot. So .."Never say never" <-- definatly But "Never say Forever" <-- I think eventually, in each's own time, it just might be the final piece to complete life's "comforting" puzzle! *** Hmm... just spent 15 mins rambling(typing), perhaps to myself, on myspace while drinking a glass of wine still in my work clothes. A Classic Friday Night. Saturday will Definatly be more eventful!! ******* Cheers.