Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Home = Confusion & Comfort. But mostly Confusion Current mood: confused Everytime I am home, I find a night where I can just go for a drive. This trip home is no different and tonight was the night. After some spending some time with Danielle and Shana, I decided to take the long way home. I started in Marysville and then I drove all the way around the lake...slowly. I absorbed every mile of those roads and then I took a small detour and drove to the highschool and my middle school and elementry school. I always look around and think about those days. Sadly, most of it's a blur. I don't remember much of the high school days because I chose to block them out. What I do remember however, is my friends & how bad I wanted nothing more than to get out of this town and move on. So now I live in the "city" and am starting a job in the industry I have always worked towards. But every moment in that city I find myself wishing I was back in this town. Now I am back in this town, and All I want is to head back to that city. I am restless. I am complicating even myself. What it is that I really want more than anything is to know exactly what I want. Driving around this town twice, with the lights on the lake and knowing my old friends are home from school in their parents house's makes everything even more complicated. I can see them @ any time this week. We can have our "annual mud football" game, we can go to dinner or shopping. We can run up to Frontier Village and rent a movie and go back to one of our houses to watch it and eat icecream or we can just sit on one of our docks and chat; just like it was. But the truth is, it's all going to be over in a matter of 4 days and any type of comfort that we've felt will be gone and we'll be back to the "real world". I really hope that 2007 will bring stability for me and those who've had that crazy "grown-up" conversation with me this week. We'll figure it out. It's only 4 1/2 years out of highschool; we're not suppose to have it all figured out yet right? I think the only thing I have to figure out is being okay with "complication" and uncertainty. And when all seems lost, We can always find joy in looking forward to the one week a year that we're all here.