 | AfTeR 3 yEaRs: nO pLaCe CaLlEd HoMe....
Current mood:  adventurous I have come to the realization that I really have no place to call 'home. I mean I have a place to live; & Washington is 'home'. But I don't have a place that is 'home' like 'Home' was when I was growing up. In one of my favorite movies EVER, 'Garden State', there is this quote that is the most true quote ever:
"You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.
You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place. "
I can't wait to have that place where I am relieved to go on a daily basis. Where even when I'm the most sad, I can walk in to people/family happy to see me; who will respect me like I respect them. Who respect the area that is around them and the people sharing it with them.
I suppose that three years should be enough to be 'satisfied' or 'comfortable'. I am fully thankful for the people I have met and the experiences I have had. They have been, and are incredible and a blessing thus far & I can honestly say that I am in no way, shape, or form the same person I was when I moved from NY to here. But something is, and has been missing. That, as I've come to realize, is the comfort of 'home' & the people who make you feel like you're home.
My mom said she didn't feel like Washington was her 'home' after moving there from Minnesota for 10 years. TEN YEARS! That means I have 7 more years. I'm am surly thinking that 7 more years of feeling that sense of something missing is not an option. So, the fourth year of my adventure in California is going to be focused on finding that missing piece.
Stay Tuned...... Although I may disappear for large amounts of time now and then, I am praying that I come back with restored faith for humanity. Because the last 8 months of shock and heartache have almost single handedly distorted it with one thing after another.
Venturing out to find, 'the good eggs'.
I want nothing more than to come back as the girl who's, 'in love with the world and you can't help but follow |
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